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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Poor

Reads like you are describing marionettes rather than people.

Randi deserves this award.

She posted a well written, complete novel that was universally praised and enjoyed. Her talent is immense, and her skill set is exceptional. Add an active, kinky imagination and you have Randi the Author. Congratulations on what will be just one of many awards and honors over the years. Thanks for the hard work for us readers. ( I understand that 1958 is not the year she was born, but rather her IQ!)

It's fiction for heavens sake !

All the derogatory remarks, you think this was all fact.

It's the work of the authors imagination, if you don't like it - don't read it.

If you can do better, then do so.

And as for Annonymous and those pathetic, constant, nit-picking criticisms on every chapter, go find a hole and fall in it !

As for me, I loved every page - a great story, thanks for sharing it !

Yes please come back and finish both stories!!!!!

Come on?

Please don't tell me this is it? Great story but certainly not complete. I'm stuck on your Stories page, looking at them all. Please tell me you have more on this wonderful Tale of Karen, Cheryl and Martin.
Excellent Tale but Please no keep us hanging.
Yobo36

Holding on to hope...

Every few years I check back in on this story, it's been five years but i'm still hoping you'll decide to finish it one day. One of the first stories I ever read on this site and still one of my favorites!

Oi ! Annonymous 13/4/16

This a work of fiction. Stop picking it to bits. You did with chapter 1, now you're at it again. If you can do better, then write a story yourself.

Otherwise just shut up and go read another story. Your winging is getting on my bloody nerves.

Just do one - will you !

Great writing

Haven't gotten a damn thing done since stumbling upon your story a few days ago. Excellent writing. Interesting your story includes publishing, You should be paid for this. Matter of fact... I want to see the movie. Thank you for such a pleasant read.

A totally ridiculous premise

A good story starting with soft swinging and ending with going rather further, even if the premise is totally ridiculous!
If the congregation and the area is that well off, then there would be no problem in raising the funds required though a freewill offering or Gift Day.

Best I've read on this site

You must have got a bunch of jealousy bombs after winning novel of the year. This should be easy top ten.

Even though it's multi chapter

Each chapter Hun grabs the reader, but to gain the audience near and far you need to be honest with us. Even if the story is "eventually" sexual you need to change the header and category of this chapter nonerotic and mention to us the exact opposite of what you stated in the first place. The reader will see you are a great writer (perhaps repetitive) I read your disclaimer and honestly needed to scroll past a lot of this story you spent a lot of time writing.
I will give the story one more chapter in hope something becomes what you claimed. In literature it is called warranting. Make a claim, provide the evidence to support it, then the reader can see the validity of your writing. So far, you have not provided enough to claim this chapter erotic. I normally do not comment but I needed to in this case because you have potential but maybe mention the fact that the story needs to build up otherwise we as readers have just wasted frankly too much time in anticipation but now I have no time to read chapter 2. Keep up the writing just be frank with us. Some may not have enough time to read it all.

That's a, uh, generous compliment

AT...

First, as usual, your kind words are humbling. The paragraph you quoted is actually one of my favorite passages of these long, convoluted tales and having it singled out for praise brings me much joy. The series of "cut scenes" I wrote into this chapter were something I spent a lot of energy on and I'm extremely glad that they seemed to translate well.

As to your beef, well, tough. I kid! As a writer yourself (and a very good one), I'm sure you recognize how real the struggle is against overuse of adjectives. I cringe sometimes when I re-read a story I've submitted and I pick up on an obnoxious repetition. And even when I think things are fairly well balanced, I have no idea how the reader will settle into the flow.

You are more than fair and all I'll say in defense of "generous" is that it is a pet favorite of mine in this realm. I find there to be an inherent generosity in giving oral sex and that doesn't even touch on the details of the act itself which can also be described as generous depending on the moment.

Either way, your critique is well founded and appreciated. I really do find such feedback to be helpful. Hopefully your comment on this chapter means you are zeroing in on the end. Looking forward to your wrap up thoughts as well!

TRC

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

I was entertained by and enjoyed this story, but only after I realised it was a cartoon book. Sort of Linda Lovelace meets Boris and Natasha. Or Jessica Rabbit with a semen addiction.

What mattered was the action, and the action came thick and fast (no pun intended), with no shortage of unexpected twists. However, it was evident from the first story that Amanda had known Simone as other than a previous girlfriend of her husband, and at Chapter 14 the complications of Simone's life were signalled: why else would she put on an out of character black costume? Was the mugging a set up? I'll never know. It's to the author's credit that I kept on reading, and in the cartoon context it didn't matter that the characters were underdeveloped and rather one-dimensional. Neither was it important that the scam wasn't really explained very well. What seemed to matter was that Simone was able through an elaborate ruse to verify the tattoo at the sex party.

The literary and cinematic allusions were fun, and so too was the word play. I didn't see the anagrams, but did spot the acronym. Only later did I discover the tags which would have given the game away.

One last thought, and a rather unhappy one. In common with a lot of stories on Literotica, these portrayed the modern, urban, single life as rather sad, equally unidimensional as the comic world. Work which is a way of getting money and advancement, not something to take pride in. An apartment, not a home. Eating out, working out at the gym, recreational sex, Seinfeld. "Is that it?", as Bob Geldof said in other circumstances.

Awesome writing

It's paragraphs like this one that make the author such a good writer:

"However, when they both looked as were at the moment, the normally muted resemblance seemed to magically uncover itself and rise to the surface. The soft warmth of their expressions linked them and the light in their eyes mirrored a similar sense of kindness and wonder. The two women simply stared at each other for several moments and communicated without words. They could both see it. They could both feel it, too."

That is really capturing the humanity of two characters and without that element, done so remarkably well, this wouldn't be the exceptional story it is. One who doesn't write well cannot know how difficult it is to forge a paragraph like that. I write, and sometimes well, but finding examples like this throughout this and all the other chapters proves what a talented and careful writer the author is.

My only qualm, if I have one, is the over frequent use of the word 'generous' and its derivatives.

asianToy

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