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Latest 15 Reader Comments

I wasn't sure you could top Pt. 01, but you did!

Thanks

So many of my fantasies.

Excellent story!

Great story! Please post part 2! Dying to read it!

When are you posting part 2?

Metoo

Oh yeah, BU in those days, with Howard Stern broadcasting from Myles. Had a freshman virgin girlfriend; we majored in 69.

Could use some dialogue

Great setup and I certainly want to see more, but there's a lot of "telling" when you could be showing.

Please complete this story

One of the hottest. Flawless writing and pushing just the right buttons at the right time. Thanks for that, can't wait to read the finishing part.

Please post

I love this so much. Can’t wait for part 2

I agree with Anonymous

Tim is a little beyond belief, but it's a fun story anyhow.

I still find the first-person Tim segments grate with the third-person Sophie segments, but since that has become the format it would probably be best to continue it for the rest of the story.

Lue

More, please!

People are often twisted up by competing internal priorities, and you've painted such a character in Tim. He "knows" what he wants, but hadn't been able to free himself enough to get it. Knowing sometimes isn't enough, and it needs an extra something to bridge the distance. Sophie was that bridge.

Could it have backfired? Sure, in fact it almost did, but Sophie stopped Tim from running away. She helped him feel his way (actually) through the moment and be more mindful of the present experience even while he was afraid of irrational consequences. That's what overcomes such anxiety. Some people spend a long time in therapy trying to achieve such an outcome.

All the psychology aside, your storytelling was excellent. The dialogue was believable, and you revealed more about each character through their thoughts and actions. I found the scene in the bathroom sexy, and verrrry captivating. Good thing, 'cause that's what got Tim through it, too. Whew, was it hot.
I really hope you will make time to add to this sexy series.

Thanks Mr G.Imagination

Your comment led me to read this interesting story.

I agree with others about change of narrator. I find that it rarely works well with the changes in short segments. In this story I found it even stranger since the Tim segments were told first person and the Sophie segments were told third person. My opinion is that with stories like this, it would be preferable to tell the whole story third person.

Apart from that, I liked it. It was readable and well written. Tim was a well-developed character, although the idea of a painfully shy person working as a personal trainer seems a little unlikely. However, it sets the scene for the 'cougar and cub' scenario I assume is to follow. (I have developed a liking for older lady with younger man stories.)

I look forward to the next chapter.

Lue

A lovely start.

Sorry this is so long.
Good story-telling - the scenes unfold smoothly and coherently.
You've given us a peek into the lives of Tim and of Sophie & Tina. They have really different world-views, and are near opposites in some ways, while I suspect they all share a desire for some improvement of their relationship and sex-partner situations. I'm looking forward to hearing more about how Tim finds his way at least part-way out of his shy shell. And Sophie and Tina offer such potential...motivation in that regard. Mmmm.
You've already identified some proofreading issues, though they were hardly worth mentioning, imo.
You did a really good job in the introduction scene of showing how people try to regulate their behavior in social interactions, even when everyone involved knows there is more going on in the undercurrents. He knew that she knew and she knew he knew, but they kept the conversation on the up-and-up. That is good story-telling - funny, sexy tension that keeps me coming (I mean, reading).
I liked that you identified when you were switching perspectives, and I think you did a good job of keeping the thread of the story going, even as you revealed more about each character.
Speaking of perspective, I can't remember the name, but one of the Lit authors has a quick blurb at the start of most stories, in which the author says they do one read through before posting. The author furthermore owns that there are probably spelling or grammar glitches that remain, and goes on to make the observation that the readers are getting free smut to read, and if they are so picky, perhaps they should be paying for the privilege. I think the author suggests that feedback about such things will be ignored or deleted.
Once I read that, my perspective matured, and I got a lot more deliberately constructive about the feedback I give. I really appreciate the authors, and try to convey that. They've got, and you've got the imagination, the talent & skills to tell the story, and the guts to put your creations out there for the readers. That's a courageous thing to do. Thank you! for sharing your creativity.
Please keep writing.

Hotness

That story made my big thick cock so fucking hard!

Short!

Hard to imagine an arranged marriage clicking like this, but fun to read. It ended so abruptly, though!

A couple of quibbles

As a nun Mary would have worn a wedding ring as a symbol of being the bride of Christ.

Mary spent the night in Harry's apartment which seems to have been in the Village (a couple of blocks from the bar) He would not have taken her home in the morning; assuming he owned a car and was able to park it anywhere near his apartment he would not have given up a parking place for anything so inconsequential as making sure the woman he's just deflowered gets home safely - that's why God invented taxicabs (and now Uber) Cal a cab - put the fare and a good tip in the driver's hand - and send her on her way (having first gotten her phone number just in case)

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