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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Not murder?

I'm pretty sure that the eggs lillith is laying are actually the girls she swallows so is it really murder?

I really hope you continue this story

I really hope you continue this story. I also hope that you don't take so long to load new chapters. Especially when only a couple pages long. I had to read all from the beginning because I was so lost trying to just read the latest chapter. Good story. Like others I can't wait for them to start to fight for what they want instead of running.

DJ

You still alive?

Had a few good writers die before finishing, thought I would check.

So sad you didn't finish!!!

I've read this story several times hoping you would come back and finish this story. Even though there are many misspelled words and use of the wrong words in some sentences, I've still enjoyed the story, it just made it harder to read and at times frustrating. Please come back so we can read what happens when her girls and that Darrel goes to Louisiana. Please come back!!! Are you still alive???

Please Update

I love this story so much, I must have reread it a hundred times now since you first posted it. I really wish you'd update.

Love it

Don´t know how many times in the last years I have read this stoys.
I allways like to read them again

Please continue your story it's was really awesome.

Good Chapter

I hope you choose to continue the story. It is much too good to leave it unfinished. Thanks for the update.

one of the best

the only story better than this (my opinion) is a girl and her tentacle monster

re: We always want longer chapters There will never be a submission where we don't ask for longer ones.

That only applies to good writing.

This is pretty good.
Yes I made a few criticisms, I wouldn't bother if the basic writing is really bad, after all if the writing really stinks obviously the writer doesn't care.

It's good

This is actually a really good piece. well put together and lacking the usual broken English and grammar that stories on this site normally have. I was pleasantly surprised.

@Anonymous 04/27/16

re:
Literotica REALLY needs to let stories be flagged as incomplete

I started a thread asking for this in the site tech support section of the forum.
If you agree with this you could post showing your support, maybe if enough people do then it will be added

find an editor and proofreader

This is an interesting start.
Your spelling is good but you choose the wrong word a lot.

borough
A borough is an administrative division in various countries. In principle, the term borough designates a self-governing walled town, although in practice, official use of the term varies widely.
=> the word is burrow if you mean a hole in the ground


free rain at
rain is water that falls from the sky
=> rein is the word should be used in that statement

our rouge wolves
rouge means red
=> rogue is the word
Unless you did mean red wolves?

It's your story- write it as you see fit.

I think it is a great story and you have lots of promise as a writer. I have no criticisms about your story line, plot, or character developments. Just keep on keeping on, as they say.

I do have a problem with your frequent use of an incorrect word. You and your editors need to learn the differences between homonyms, synonyms and antonyms. Fare/fair, descent/decent, sent/scent, taut/taught, and what should be the simplest one of all; to/too/two. These are just a few of the mistakes I can recall off the top of my head, and I know there are many more I could cite- not site or sight- to you were I to go back into each chapter. Please don't just rely on spell-check to catch these errors because it won't. So long as the incorrect word is spelled properly it will be allowed to stand.

Please don't think I am hating on you; in fact it is just the opposite. I like your story a lot. I can tell you have put a lot of thought and creative energy into it, and it takes a great deal of courage and commitment to put your work out there as you have done. My hope is that my one piece of advice will make a good story even better.

I hate my touchscreen. -_-

Disregard the word "is" in my previous comment.

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